An apology to my kids

Dear Monkey and Choo Choo,
Yesterday, I worked from home. This is not the first time I’ve done so. The reasons for working from home are also largely irrelevant. The point is that I was there, even though I really wasn’t. I was working, which means my mind is elsewhere.
For you, I was home. This “working” thing doesn’t make any sense to you, nor should it. I was at home; that’s all that matters to you. So you did what you should be doing when I’m at home:

Daddy, I[‘m’] hungry.
Daddy, [can you] read [this] story [to me]?
Daddy, can you take me around the block on my bike?
Daddy, come play!

Instead of “yes”, which is what you expected, you heard me say “no”, and far too often, angrily. And for that, I apologise. You shouldn’t have had to deal with me like that. I made you cry a couple of times, Choo Choo, for you understand the least. You know when I leave in the morning, I’m going to “work”. Even though I know you don’t really know what “work” means, you know I’m not at home. Lately, this elicits:

I[‘ll] miss you.

See daddy’s heart. See daddy’s heart shatter into a million pieces. See daddy cry as he watches his kids’ lives slip from his fingers.
So I’m going to make a deal with you. I know you’ll accept, so this is more kicking myself in the butt to make sure I do it. I will never work from home again. That means that if I am at home, and you’re awake, I’m yours. If it’s a “normal” work day, I’ll shift my hours to a time when you’re asleep. If I’m at home, we do what you want to do. We play, we read, we go for walks.
Because I can’t bear to say “no” anymore to the things that matter to you.

A long-overdue renovation update

Yeah, the renovations are still going. You’ll know when they’re done — thar’ll be a “we’re done” post, which will include before/after shots. But until then, please understand that we’re poking along pretty slowly at this point, with only little things being done, and most of the remaining “big” stuff (notably painting, furniture placement, and decorating) solely being in our hands.┬áSo yes, this is all for you, Therese…
Some of our work is dependent on when some of the other renovation work is completed (we can’t finish painting until the drywalling is complete), some is dependent on time (when you have two small kids running around, it’s hard to paint), and then there’s this minor illness that’s temporarily sidelined me. Y’know, the usual stuff.
Okay, so where did we leave off?
Continue reading “A long-overdue renovation update”

The gall of it all

Yesterday morning, I woke up unusually hungry. I honestly can’t think of the last time I actually woke up hungry. Also dead tired, but that’s another matter. Breakfast was small, one egg and coffee, which I hoped would be enough.
By 9:30, though, the pains were back, and I tried to eat again. Nothing fancy, just a rice cake with some peanut butter. It only kind of worked. A half hour later, hunger had turned to real pain.
Things only went downhill from there.
Continue reading “The gall of it all”