Everyone thinks their job sucks. It can be for any number of reasons. But there’s one guy out there who looks for the dirty jobs. The ones that no-one really wants to do, but does anyway. The ones where if the job wasn’t done, the world would (in many cases) come to a halt. They’re dangerous, often nauseating, and usually done by people far more interesting than we’d ever believe.
That’s what Discovery Channel‘s Dirty Jobs is all about. If you haven’t watched it, you really should check it out. It’s one of the few decent things on television, and one of only three shows that I’ll go out of my way to watch (the other two being Dirty Jobs’ sibling, Mythbusters, and ABC’s Pushing Daisies).
But there’s something about Dirty Jobs’ host, Mike Rowe, and the way he handles the content of the show, that really adds another layer. Namely, poo.
If you’ve seen the show, you know what I’m talking about. And to that end, you might have thought the same thing Alex thought of: there really needs to be a drinking game behind all this. So we bring you our version of the Dirty Jobs Drinking Game. (There is one other I know of, but I wanted to add some complication to it — what’s the point of having a drinking game if it’s easy to do?)
The Rules
- Something alcoholic is preferred, but you can go with pop (soda) or chocolate milk if you have to. Otherwise, it’s just not as funny.
- No pausing the show to drink. If things come fast and furious, you need to keep up. So keep a good stock of liquids at the ready.
- Don’t pre-watch the episode. That’s just taking the fun out of it. Repeats are fine, since few have actually memorised anything. (And after running through this, you’ll likely want to forget it anyway.)
- If you’re the last one standing, you’ve got a Dirty Job of your own. But don’t call Mike — I’m pretty sure he’ll pass.
Drinking Definitions
- Drink – a sip of wine or hard alcohol, swig of beer
- Shot – 1/3 glass of wine, shot glass of hard alcohol, 8 oz beer (technically over 1/2 a North American bottle, but 1/2 will do for ease-of-comparison)
- Chug – a glass of wine, 3 shots of hard alcohol, a complete beer (yes, this seems somewhat lighter on the beer crowd, but that carbonation does pack a wallop)
The Conditions
This is broken down not just by amount to drink, but by what’s said/going on. You’ll understand why after your third beer…
What Mike Says#
Drink when:
- “I’m Mike Rowe”
- “Poo”
- Any derivative of “poo” (e.g. “crap”)
- Says “You’ve never seen the show, have you?” when someone suggests that whatever Mike’s about to do is easy/routine
- Makes a derogatory comment about his (in)ability to use a piece of equipment that he’s used in a previous episode
- Makes a comment about his own crew
- “You’re a dirty man/woman”
Shot when:
- Swears
- Make a comment about the size of tools/equipment used by someone he’s working with
- Makes a comment about Dave, the producer
- “I love this job”
- Makes a comment about needing to take a shower at the hotel that evening
Chug when:
- Screams/yells as a result of being “attacked” by vermin
- Uses a swear in lieu of “poo” (e.g. “shit”)
What Mike Does#
Drink when:
- Conned into eating something that’s edible, but not necessarily ideal (e.g. raw oysters, cow feed)
- Has to catch/trap an animal
Shot when:
- Falls into/onto poo (manure, guano, cowpies)
- Loses some article of clothing as a result of what he’s doing (e.g. footwear, hat)
- Eats something that while technically edible, not even the workers around him would touch (e.g. crab meal)
- Sings
- Is scared to death of trying to catch/trap the animal
- Has to collect semen samples (double if the animal is bigger than Mike)
- Has to insert his finger/hand/arm to determine sex or otherwise “assist” a natural process
- Gets visibly ill, but without actually up-chucking
Chug when:
- Eats poo (accidentally, often due to flinging or splattering)
- Sings the Dirty Jobs theme song (yes, there is one)
- Vomits (only done this once that I’ve seen)
What Happens to Mike#
Drink when:
- Gets sprayed with something (e.g. water, mud, concrete) but not poo
- Gets hit by a piece of equipment
Shot when:
- Gets bitten/pinched by an animal (double if it draws blood)
- Gets hit with poo
- Gets spat on by an animal
- Gets stuck in the ground he’s walking on (double if the ground is made of poo)
Chug when:
- Gets poo’d on by an animal
What Happens to Those Around Mike#
Drink when:
- Mike gets upstaged by the guide/guest/demonstrator
- Crew appears on screen
Shot when:
- Mike gets upstaged by a kid
- Crew gets more than just a passing mention, including being heard on-camera
- Crew nearly gets hit by something Mike is doing
- Equipment is damaged/destroyed (double)
- Mike intentionally trips/fells one of the crew
Chug when:
- Mike gets upstaged by an animal
- Crew is in an accident, with damage/destruction to equipment
And Finally
Because poo seems to play such a large part of things that happens on Dirty Jobs, any time the word “poo” is mentioned (especially by Mike), not only follow the conditions above, but you must also yell “POO”!
