Christmas decorations being put up too early

So I went for a walk at lunch today. I do this every so often, sometimes to get some fresh air, sometimes to avoid the sheer insanity of the office, or sometimes to get lunch outside of the Bistro. Today’s little jaunt took me past Olympic Plaza and Jack Singer Hall.

Now this location is of importance, not because it’s a nice place to walk, but because of something horrifying that I happened to see as I walked westward.

It wasn’t a murder, though I would almost consider it on the same level of offensiveness. It wasn’t a massive pile of horse manure, though it stinks just as badly. And to be certain, it wasn’t a giant pimple, though the sight was just as repulsive.

It was fake fir, copied conifer, fabricated flora, hoaxed herbology, swindled shrub, trick trees. It was in the process of being wrapped around poles, unwrapped from huge roles; it was hung across wires, strung above busy noon buyers. It was spackled with bells and balls; it looked like it was right out of shopping malls!

“Excuse me… are these Christmas decorations?” I asked, nervously.

“Uh, yeah…” said the woman tying off a bunch of evergreen, worried what my reaction might be.

Uh, did we suddenly get stuck in a time warp? Is it already mid-November? Hmm… let’s check the calendar, shall we? Oh, look at that. It’s not even close to December…


I really want to know what set off some idiot’s grand scheme to hang Christmas decorations this early in the year. It’s bad enough that we haven’t even seen Thanksgiving or Hallowe’en yet! It’s still over a week until the end of this month, let alone two more entire months before December.

Now I realize that it’s entirely possible that said decorations might be for a movie or television shoot. It wouldn’t be unheard of. But it didn’t really look like a set of any kind. There were no directors, no assistant directors, no lackeys running about with radios looking like they’re important when they’re actually running for coffee … it looked like the City was actually getting ready for Christmas.

This worries me (if you haven’t already noticed). How on Earth can we expect to have a decent Christmas if we are bombarded with it for over a quarter of the year? It’s not special then! It’s just annoying. It’s a season onto itself, bereft of any special meaning whatsoever. There are so many people who worry about the lack of spiritualism in our Christian holidays … gee, I wonder why? They’ve all be commercialized, marketized, oversized, popularized, televised, aerobicized, and menialized.


I really hope Christmas hasn’t come yet. It’s too warm, it’s too early, all the leaves are still on the trees. I’m not ready to see some fat white guy in a bad red suit. I can’t bear to hear “The Twelve Days of Christmas” when I’m still listening to summer music.

But most of all, I’ve got no idea what to get Alex for Christmas.

[Ed. Note: As it turns out, the decorations were in fact being put up by a filming crew. Hopefully, they won’t last long.]

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