In love with Alex (I think)

Now this is the way to have a weekend go for you. I was with Alex much of this weekend — a very good thing, if you ask me — and we got to chatting, as we often do. I’ve been trying to hold back on some of my feelings for Alex, mostly because they can be like a tsunami at times, and I don’t want to drown her in them.

Yes, I like Alex. I like her a lot. I like her so much that at times I’m not sure if I’m coming or going. Even just holding her brings me a peace that I haven’t felt … in so long, I honestly can’t remember when I last felt it. I consider this to be extremely good for me. But at the same time, I don’t want to really express how strongly I feel. Why? As Kristen has pointed out to me, I can be very overwhelming, and say things that can put people off. I don’t want to ruin anything with Alex, and I sure as hell don’t want to scare her off.

I ended up saying something like: “You’re very special to me, and I hate not being with you”, or something like that. I was trying to phrase something carefully, so that it would sound genuine, without being too stalker-ish. What I got in return just about threw me for a loop.

“I think I’m falling in love with you.”

For months, the world has been spinning too quickly, and I’ve really wanted nothing more than to get off this crazy merry-go-round for a while. With that simple phrase, the world came to a grinding halt. This was not at all what I’d expected to hear. My heart skipped a beat, and I nearly cried. It meant more to me than anything else that has happened to me in a very long time.

Okay, reality check: *I think* and *falling in love* do not equate to “I love you”, so don’t think that I’m getting any allusions to what Alex has said. But even the consideration means more than anything else I could have imagined.

It’s been well over five years since the last time I heard anyone (other than friends or family) tell me that they loved me (or were thinking of falling in love with me). It’s been longer than that where I actually believed what was being said. It’s something amazing to hear, and it really leaves you with the most amazing feeling afterwards.

I feel alive. For the first time in a long time, I honestly feel alive. Long nearly-dead emotions are coming to life again. I look forward to the future, and don’t worry about being at home all the time. It’s great. (The lawn’s getting a little too long, but it’ll survive without me a while.) Relax, I’m not rushing out to buy a ring or something. After Allison, things are going to go decidedly more careful this time around. I think I’m going to be a little more prepared this time, though.

So yes, I guess this is a LavaLife success story. To say that almost cheapens things in a way, like we had to rely on a dating service to bring us together. But that’s the thing about something like this — Alex and I would never have met otherwise, our circles in life are too far apart. The bridging will still take a while, but in the end, it’s all good.

Next weekend, we’re going to do our first major outing as a couple. We’re going to Banff. I can’t wait, and it’s almost a week away.

I think I’m falling in love, too.

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