Ex-girlfriend gets married

Today, I got a rather interesting surprise: an email from an old friend, still living in Vancouver. It appears that a couple of weekends ago, my ex-girlfriend (and ex-fiancee) got married.

When I read this rather interesting piece of news, I couldn’t help but feel a little sad. I no longer harbour feelings towards her, one way or the other, but I found I still do for her family. I grew quite close to them when we were together, and perhaps the most pain I felt when I left was from my betrayal of their trust.

No doubt I am no longer a consideration in their lives, nor should I be. I suppose that thought/feeling alone makes me sad. What is my future? I have a good job, a home, a nice car, I exercise regularly, have more friends than I really know what to do with, and have led my life as I choose to direct it. In fact, the last three years have been extremely good to me — the death of my father notwithstanding.

But I come home to an empty house. I’ve got a roommate I hardly see anymore (a boyfriend and a new life outside of Critical Mass have contributed to that), and two cats. Though I love them all, they won’t share in my experiences or adventures. I have no-one to hear my victories in battle, no shoulder to cry on. Almost three and a half years. Longer than I was in any relationship.

The closest I’ve come to that sort of a relationship is with Chris — possibly my dearest and closest friend. (Anyone willing to tell me I’m full of crap when I start doubting myself can’t be anything but a close friend.) Since he’s moved away, the hole in my life seems to get bigger. I try to fill it with things: new websites, trains, work, exercise. Not even the largest freight train can span the gap that I sometimes feel splitting me apart.

Such was the feeling I got when I found out my ex is a married woman. There are a lot of people who believe I should feel a lot of animosity towards her. I did, three years ago. I had a lot of anger. Back then, I honestly didn’t believe that I’d feel any different as time went on. But the saying is true — time does heal all wounds.

Today, I sit here and type nothing but best wishes for her and her new spouse. I hope that their lives together will be long and fruitful, that her family is happy and well. Perhaps this is the end of a chapter of my life — the last few threads tied off that allows me to move on. I don’t think this was holding me back, but that’s the strange thing about the subconscious: you never really know.

7 Replies to “Ex-girlfriend gets married”

  1. Today my ex- girlfriend told me that she is getting engaged next month and will be married in a couple of months.

    I feel saddened a bit, or actually i really dont know how i feel. restless, anxious, missed moments. I know it will pass on.

    I’m married and have a baby girl who is 11/2 years.

  2. Hey Ramesh,

    This is the “what if” talking to you. It’ll always do that. You’re in a great place, though — you’ve got a family of your own (my daughter is about the same age as yours). That’s happiness, my friend.

    As for your ex, if you’re still friends with her (or even if you’re not), just wish her happiness. As you said, the rest will come with time.

  3. Just found out my high school girlfriend got married. I haven’t even spoken to her in years but its still sad. Always thought I’d get a call out of the blue someday. I’ve been in other relationships since then but that was the first real one. Ive got a career, home, and everything you should have by now. I date regularly but haven’t experienced anything like that since then. Just part of life bro.

    1. Count yourself lucky, then, Martin. You had a love you lost. There are times when I wonder if I ever had it to begin with.

  4. I actually dread the day that someone I use to date and love very much gets married but you blog was so heartfelt and I really feel the same way you do but you expressed it better than I could.

  5. Thank goodness other people understand how I feel. I haven’t been with my ex fiancĂ© for 2 years and just found out a few hours ago, complete heart stopper. I was devastated when we broke up but I never had any illusions that we’d ever get back together. Part of me is asking why him and not me, I guess it just rakes up all of those old feelings. Life is good though, we have health, love, friends and family in our lives so keep smiling and keep on trucking! Seri

  6. I broke up with my fiance’ because I had to leave the country for 2 years and I didnt think it would work long distance, I realized during my time away I really wouldn’t ever be as happy as I was when I was with her, came back to tell her as much but just found out she’s been married for 3 months. I’m truly happy for her and her husband and the new life they will share together but i dont think I’ll ever stop wondering
    “what if?” and I’m scared the ache I’m feeling now is only the tip of the iceberg. Love, its a hell of a thing.

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